Emotional Roller Coaster

Emotional Roller Coaster

For ages, people have debated if leaders are born or made? So too, goes the debate about emotional intelligence. Perhaps it has been my most favourite organisational behaviour topics since I read Daniel Goleman’s book about emotional intelligence in 1998. I always had a belief it could be an acquired skill but I never knew how? But later on I felt it must be a born talent hidden in genes and finally I got the answer actually it is both. It is just like empathy, some people are born with it and some people acquire it with life experiences.

Emotional intelligence like empathy is a psychological muscle which needs emotional work out, like our physical muscles. Good news is that our psychological muscles too get stronger and stronger with work out just like our physical muscle. Only the work out regime is little different, in order to build our emotional intelligence muscles we need play full out in our brain gym with dumbbells of feelings, drive, impulses, anxiety, stress, motivation, laughter and happiness.

Our brains have a little area called “Neocortex” responsible to grasp concepts and logic. It along with our conscious thoughts and experiences form emotional intelligence system.

Some people might be better with it by virtue of genome structures. Rest of us could also develop this by putting our mind to work out in the brain gym simply, by taking each experience with intension to get better at it next time when it comes around. Just like as a kid when you learnt not to touch a hot stove after getting burned with it once or as an adult learning how to handle professional and personal stressors. Once you do it next time round you’ll have emotional muscles much stronger to handle the situation better.

There are five aspects to practice when it comes to building muscles for emotional intelligence:

·         Self-Awareness – Knowing your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and goals. Their impact on you and others around you.

·         Self- Regulation - Controlling or redirecting disruptive thoughts, emotions and impulses.

·         Motivation – Being driven to achieve for the sake of self-esteem.

·         Empathy – Considering others feelings, especially when making decision about things that matters.

·         Social Skills – Managing relationships to move people/ thoughts/ situations in desired directions

Research is demonstrating that people can, if they take the right approach, develop their emotional intelligence. I had personally found it very rewarding and can easily tell the difference between the days it works and days it doesn’t. Offcourse it is a never ending learning experience and not an easy process. It takes time and most of all commitment. But the benefits that come from having a well-developed emotional intelligence, both for the individual and for the organisation, make it worth the efforts.

Happy working out at the brain gym!

"When I say managing your emotions, I only mean really distressing, negative emotions. Feeling emotions is what makes your life rich. You need your passions." - Daniel Goleman

Creating a mindful culture

Creating a mindful culture

I’m sure you would have come across the word “mindfulness” a lot of people I meet think it is something to do with meditation. Nevertheless, practicing meditation isn’t a bad start however mindfulness is a lot more than just sitting down closing your eyes and feeling like Buddha.

Have you lately caught yourself standing in a room thinking why the hell did I come here? Or driving down the road on auto pilot? Or brushing your teeth in the morning without even realising which side you have already brushed? Or eaten your lunch at desk without even tasting a single bite? I got you didn’t I ha ha… well Mindfulness in essence is opposite of mindlessness.

There are two parts to mindfulness –

First, learning to focus and attention on one thing, and being able to bring the attention back when distracted.

Second is about the attitude you bring to paying attention i.e. being open, being focused and interested in what you are doing.

Why suddenly mindfulness is a buzz in corporate culture rather than in monasteries? It is due to the benefit it brings along with it. Imagine if someone can become more creative, have higher levels of pattern-recognition, greater confidence, greater motivation, greater focus and less anxiety obviously they’re going to be more productive and valuable to the company.

So what are few simple ways to create mindful culture?

• Do one thing at a time and do it well
• Be aware of your mindlessness patterns
• Create a soft anchor to flip out of distractions
• Set a time limit for worry or anxiety
• Switch off for at least 10 mins every day
• Recharge your battery often
• Ask for help if you’re in stress
• Develop mindfulness as a skill
• Choose to do three things mindfully everyday like brushing your teeth.
• Choose to respond rather than react
• Learn to accept difficult experiences or changes
• Lastly, Nab’s new marketing punch line – “talk to yourself more”

      

As said earlier, mindfulness is like a muscle which gets stronger and stronger with regular practice. Try the mindfulness app by smiling mind to get started I find it best to switch off during my train trips. You can find your own based on what works for you… happy minding.

“You can’t cross the sea by merely by standing and staring at the water – Rabindranath Tagore”

Unplug your mind

Dump the phone and unplug your mind

"Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small, A journey of thousand miles must begin with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

‘Constantly connected’ – if that seems to sum up your day then I have a word of caution for you and it is not coming from me alone, former vice president of Facebook Chamath Pali says “Social media is ripping apart the basic fabric of our society” and he feels “tremendous guilt” over his work on building Facebook’s social validation engine. Believe it or not Facebook has an algorithm to assess your personality and creates so called “short term, dopamine feedback loop called social validation”. Which in simple words means the like buttons, high fives, happy go lucky icons that it reads from your profile and feeds it into an algorithm to target advertisement and social traffic onto your Facebook page.

In an interview with Harvard business school he says he has deactivated not only his but his family’s Facebook account and encourages his kids to call their friends over phone rather checking in status on social media. All this has added another buzz word in our well-being dictionary called “Digital Detox”.

While Technology addiction is not classified as a psychological disorder as of now but it is heading that way quicker than you can imagine. At the same time, there is no denying the fact about value technology delivers in today’s age. However, as the old saying goes “too much of anything is bad” it becomes our revered duty to let our next generation understand the risk that technology overdose brings. Believe it or not we are the last generation on this planet that spent their lives without any screens, apart from a Television.

I still remember the good old black and white TV set in our living room back in 80’s and waiting for Giant Robot, He Man and Spider Man animation series to be aired every Sunday. I never imagined as a child something like tablet or smart phone would make it possible to deliver such content with mere touch of a button. Maybe it was good,since we had time rationed to watch this stuff vs. studies, playtime and family time.

As they say “history repeats itself” number one advise digital detox experts give is rationing screen time in our daily life, so let’s look at how it works:

Implement computer free days – Take out at least one day per month or every fortnight when you

dump your phone, tablet, laptops and TV’s to enjoy time with your family.

Leave the screens out of sleep – Latent technology used in LED screens is a blue optical display which hampers our brainwave pattern, listen to some good old songs or read a book before going to bed instead of looking at a screen. Psychology experts suggest at least one hour gap between sleep and screen time.

Carry your camera – Instead of phone take out your good old camera on holidays to restrict screen time.

Disconnect to reconnect – The best part of living in Australia is the good old “Outback” culture, we are so fortunate to have the biggest backyards and lovely camp sites all over the country. If you haven’t tried camping ever it is a must do activity. Leave your phones and screens behind to rejoice reconnect and recuperate with your family and loved ones.

Control your phone – If you are tempted to look at your phone with every ring, vibrate or notification then take it as a signal to control your phone time. It can be as simple as leaving your phone away and going on a walk with a mate or just by yourself. It is a good idea to switch off your phone at night or at least leave it on silent away from your bedroom.

Schedule screen free nights – Once a week switch off Wi-Fi and turn off TV to spend some good old dinner table time with your loved ones.

“Reward Yourself” - Especially kids for not using internet/ TV/ YouTube for once a week by scheduling screen free trip to park, zoo, aquarium or beach. There are digital detox retreats if you wish to take the pricey option.

Given that our relationship with screen is still relatively new, there are warnings signs that we should look out for and pass on to the next generation the experience we have been raised with.

The Power of Now

The Power of Now

"No body gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies" - Ann Landers.

There is one great book I read called, “The Power of now" by Eckert Tolle and it discusses the challenge of staying in the present moment and how much power you have when you do stay in the now. For me it was one of the biggest challenges during college days I had either stayed in past or looked towards the future anxiously.

Although both models have their plus and minus, I was young and anxious but also quite naive about expecting things I never knew I would get. It was then one fine day I decided what do I want? What are things I could do that are under my control? I still remember it was 17 November 2002, I wrote my list of 101 things to do before I die. You may call it a bucket list but I called it my "Wish List", it had things like meeting big celebrities, travelling around the world and experience things like Bungy jumping and sky diving.

Today looking back at it I have achieved a good amount of wishes I wrote for myself, it gives me pleasure and exhilaration. But most of all it gave me one thing that I felt lacked seriously back then “Purpose”. That list is the reason I am living in one of the finest cities in the world, driving a good car, living in a comfortable home. I’m not saying this to boast my achievements but to remind myself and to my blog readers about “Purpose”.

Back then past was a painful place to be, to see all mistakes I did, all the fear of failure and sour memories of what could have been better. On the other hand, the perfect future I wished. I call it the “Yoyo moment” where you are stuck between past and future. I’m sure all of us have such moments, one tool I discovered was “Power of Now” I didn’t know it back then. It gives you immense power to move your life ahead. It is like steering wheel of your car, which gives you direction. It doesn’t work when you are stationary in “Yoyo moment” but works like charm when you push the accelerator.

However, it is immensely significant to look back in the rear view mirror (your past) but you can’t drive your car looking at it all the time. It is of no use, but still significant to know what mistakes to avoid, to judge the road. So to speak power of now is your steering wheel that will direct you towards your purpose. All you got to do is choose the right speed and set course of action. All the best!

"The starting point of all achievement is desire" - Napoleon Hill.

Make your work break count!

Have you heard new adage “sitting is new smoking” …

When I heard about it I thought hell yeah! better I had quit smoking already now I need to quit sitting too? Until I got diagnosed with chronic back pain couple of years ago. I told my chiropractor “I am quite fit bloke” how come I got back pain in-spite of working out and leading an active lifestyle? He mentioned about science of posture and how human body is meant for hunting in the fields and not sitting in front of a damn computer whole day long. 

Now if this was 1860, I could have done something about “hunting in the fields” part but in 2017 it is a pretty tough gig. Specially living in this civilization makes it even harder to imitate our ancestral modus operandi.

We might have come from the planet of the apes but now since we are in the information age let’s see how we can still quench our postural thirst by staying in “well-being worker” limits. This is what I suggest as our plan of action to make our work breaks count.

Breaks are good, but do we take them? Ask yourself “what makes a good break for me?” taking yourself to local park? calling a friend? checking into gym? Laugh out loud with colleagues?  Or it might be just eating your food mindfully – which one is your fit ? Find it and use it.

Ensure you drink more than 2 litres water: Have you been asked this questions - Do you drink enough water? I am sure you would know the benefit but it has an added advantage of making you run to toilet pretty often and also break the sitting posture cycle for the sake of your bladder.

Get a fitness tracker: A little bit of technology to help you motivated and stay on track, most of the trackers can now start to beep (like mine) every 50th minute of an hour asking you to move your body (I said body…)

Don’t press the send button:  At times you’ll catch yourself sending an email to person sitting at the same floor? Have you done that? I know I have, why not try the alternate and walk to the person to have a chat.

Catch that yawn:  Yawning is actually a signal from your brain craving for oxygen! That is body’s natural response to initiate a break in posture. Next time when you catch yourself yawning at work get up and stretch yourself.

7 min refresher: It is scientifically proven 7 minutes is what it takes to break your postural pattern, experiment all the activities you could do in 7 minutes like brushing your teeth after lunch with an added advantage of dental hygiene.

Power Naps: There is a misconception, you don’t have to actually sleep merely closing your eyes and listening to some relaxing music for 10-20 mins would do the job.

In conclusion, it matters less what you do than why you’re doing it. Pay attention to three aspects of body, mind and spirit to tune into your own energy style and choose work break activities that will truly refresh you.

How to fix bad mood??

Mental well-being is described by the World Health Organisation (WHO) as “the state in which the individual realises his or her own abilities, can cope with normal stresses of life, can work productively, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.” 

It’s important to understand that well-being is distinct from happiness, which can come and go, whereas well-being is a consistent state of wellness, satisfaction and contentment. In Australia, many of us work and strive to improve our well-being and quality of life, and that of our families. 

Elements that can contribute to a person’s well-being are:

Health.

Personal relationships.

Feelings of safety.

Standard of living.

Sense of achievement and purpose. 

Feeling part of the community.

Future security.

Good mental health is more than just the absence of mental illness. A positive state of well-being includes feeling good and functioning well.  In totality your mental well-being is linked with not only you but people around you, it is in direct proportion to the quality of your personal and professional life. A bad state of mind not only destroys your day but does subsequent harm to family and workplace, let’s look at few ways to tackle a bad mood.

How to fix a bad mood?

•“Remind yourself that whatever it is that’s causing distress, will almost certainly pass (few things last forever)

•“Try to keep negative life events in perspective; ask something like ‘is it really that bad?’ or ‘how bad will this seem in a week, month or year?’

•“Focus more on what you have and less on what you don’t have; more on what’s going well rather than whatever it is that’s not going well

•“Reassure yourself you’re not alone and you don’t have to cope on your own; tell yourself there are others who care and who can help.” 

“Positive thinking is very useful at times, but positive action can be just as or even more powerful.

So in addition to changing our thoughts, one or more of below behaviours could help to overcome  a bad mood:

•“Exercise – activity is not just good for our physical health but also very beneficial for our well-being

•“Put on your favourite tunes and soak up the positive energy.

•“Call a friend – a problem shared is a problem halved.

•“Read, listen to, or watch something funny – laughter is a powerful anti-depressant!”

•Get out of the lazy funk

•Check your mood monitor score:  https://www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/mood-monitor

In conclusion I would like to quote :

There is no passion to be found playing small -  In settling for a life that is less  than the one you are capable of living – Nelson Mandela.

The more a man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and well being – Confucius.

Emotional Baggage!

Emotional Baggage!

As you all know we have hit Pre-production with my latest feature film Bhindeshi Tara, I wanted to share one of our character's journey and relate it to my personal experience.

But before that can I ask you a questions?

How do you manage your emotional well-being?

Some of you might say: work out, sports, socialising, yoga, meditation etc. but I wanted to bring your focus to one thing, how we manage our emotional well-being carries immense importance in our life.

Sometimes we forget to realise we are all but emotions and feelings. That's what makes us human! That's what sets us apart from rest of the species! i.e. the ability to understand and manage our own emotions.

Yesterday, I had a tough discussion with a friend's Dad, not because I wanted to belittle him but I wanted to let off some emotional baggage off my chest. I wanted to keep my relationship healthy and firm with my friend and his family.

Sometimes we let things creep in between our relationships that does not resonates with our own personalities. Just because we start governing ourselves by some "unsaid rules", what we forget to realise about life is that it constantly changes. We also need to adjust and update our own set of rules based on what we are going through. Based upon how life is shaping us and others around us, after-all well-being is all about being up to date and flexible. On contrary, emotional baggage is all about being stubborn and making us and our relationships fragile.

This is what exactly happens with Mr. Tarafdar, our protagonist Saikat Tarafdar's Dad, a father who was willing to spoil his son's life but not change his rules around how someone (his son's girlfriend) should be? He ironically keeps imposing his own rules on people around him, that not only breaks his son's heart but also makes him suffer for rest of his life!

Hope you would choose to be more flexible in life after seeing our film. Kindly help us complete our crowd funding target by clicking here: Bhindeshi Tara Development Fund.

Until my next blog... Farewell!

@amazing_arvind
#GreenlabFilms